The Mourning After

Well, it's been a rough week. My Grandma Jean died. The woman I am named after. I'm really sad about it. I've been randomly breaking into tears for the past four days or so. I even started crying in my dorm hallway when prepping my floor for opening today. I just can't believe she is really gone. She was an amazing, loving woman and one of my biggest fans.

The week wouldn't have been half as bad if she would have just had some sort of attack and died and we got called about it. Instead, she died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and was revived 13 minutes later, thus being completely 100% brain-dead, though alive. So we spent the entire week dealing with that and deciding when to "pull the plug". It was very taxing. The entire family took it pretty hard. I'm completely emotionally drained. I think its going to take a while to bounce back from this one.

I wanted to take this space to write down some of my feelings and memories of her so I can always come back and read and remember. I am very thankful to the woman. She was very intelligent and wise and taught so many people great things. She gave my mother a life and taught her how to live. She was a mother to my mother when my mom had nowhere else to go. She was also an excellent grandmother to my siblings and I, though not being blood related. She was always taking people in and including them in her family whether they were blood related or not.

Some of my Memories:
- Playing paper dolls together when I was little
- Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Easters as a big family
- Jewish Dancing Lessons
- Her coming to my graduation party though the family was at odds
- Her coming to everyone of my shows, even though she was in a wheelchair and had to take the
special elevator to get to the theatre
- Her at our last two thanksgivings
- Her at our last Christmas
- Making cards with her and Callie
- Spending the night at her house with the boys when I was younger
- Her giving us $2 to go buy candy at Arndt's
- Our conversation about homosexuality
- When she would clip out all my newspaper articles and save them
- Her always making sure my health was ok (nebulizer, bruising)
- Looking at prom dresses in magazines
- Talking about surveys
- Our talks on facebook
- Her buying me the Leanne Womack "I hope You Dance" single

And we always had a lot in common:
- Our favorite food was salmon.
- Our favorite flower was daisies.
- We both loved doing surveys.
- We both loved The Music Man. I really wish she could have seen me in this show this
summer.

Things I'm glad she got to do before she went:
- See two grandchildren get married.
- See 5 children graduate highschool.
- See me in my biggest role yet, Guenevere in Camelot.
- See her family reunite.
- Donate her Liver.

Things I wish she would've gotten to see before she went:
- See me, her first grandchild to, graduate college.
- Become a great-grandmother.
- See me get married.
- See the rest of her grandchildren graduate highschool.
- See me in the Music Man.

I will always love her and will mourn her loss for a while. I wish she were still here, but I know she is happy wherever she is and is looking down on all of us. I know she loved each and every one of us and was proud of me. She said so the last couple times I saw her. And I'm happy I was able to tell her I love her and give her a hug and kiss the last time I saw her.

Goodbye Grandma.
I love you.
Lexi Jean