The things I want to do when I get home...

1. Finish up my last two classes and graduate.
2. Play Lucy in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown".
3. Take a Jazz Dance class at 5-6-7-8 Dance Studio.
4. Take a Yoga class from Ruth Armstrong.
5. Quit soda.
6. Spend a lot of time at the library.
7. Research religion.
8. Spend as much time with my family as possible.
9. Relax.
10. Get ready for my future.
11. Work for mom and Bob.
12. Save money.
13. Go ice skating.
14. Go to Florida!!
15. Audition for Six Flags.
16. Spend time with my dogs.
17. Get my teeth fixed.
18. Get bartending license.
19. Volunteer at JPAC.
20. Volunteer at library.

I can feel something big coming. I should be terrified of graduating and the endless unknown that is to come after it, but instead I am so excited. It almost feels like the feeling when you know Christmas is coming. It's strange. I think something big is coming.

Is there anyone out there anymore that is truly exclusive and monogamous?!?

Roses are red, poems are corny,
The way you go down on me, makes me so horny!

Ding Dong, the bitch is dead!

Well...retiring at least...:)

Pepsi = orgasm in your mouth.

I am going to punch this old lady in the face.

Can someone please tell me why the lesbian got a boyfriend before me??

Well, it took me til the end of college, but I'm finally starting to learn how to make friends. Now....if I could just learn how to find a boyfriend...

Don't deny what the world gives you, it does it for a reason.

Trying to control the world is an exhausting waste of time. Learn to roll with the punches.

Not Facebook Appropriate

So this is now going to become my haven for posting statuses that I don't think are appropriate to post on facebook, due to the people that may see it. So here starts number 1.

I don't believe in men that aren't douche bags. I don't believe they exist. Every man has at least an ounce of douchyness in them.

Thought by me

"When it comes to life, in general, when I am doing what I am suppose to be doing, things come easily and naturally for me."

SUMMER!!

Ay, it's been one hell of a semester. Between Grandma's death, family issues, problems with friends/residents, boy problems, and not to mention mental health issues, I'm exhausted. Plus of course, there's school, work, and my show. Needless to say, I am sooooo ready for summer! My show is finally done and now I just need to finish up the last 4 weeks of school as strong as possible.

I can smell summer in the air. It's right around the corner. I can't wait! Between the track employee picnic, and the 85 degree weather yesterday (in the beginning of April!!!), it has got me so excited, I thought I would record my summer bucket list!

Here it is:

Go to the go-kart section of Mt. Olympus

Go to Rhythm and Booms

Go camping

Go fishing

Go to Six Flags

Do Wizard of Oz

Do Music Man

Find a Boyfriend

Lose 20 pounds

Go to a Beloit Snappers Game

Go to a Rock Aqua Jays Show

Ride the paddle boats at Traxler

Go tubing

Spend a lot of time at the park

Go to Frosty Freeze a lot

Make money

Have fun

Go to Rachael's cabin

Go to Florida with Rachael

Go to the Drive-in

I'll add more as I think of them.

Summer Time, and the Livin' is Easy!!!

Oh my G!!! My prayers have been answered. Terry wants me to be his clerical this summer so badly, he offered me my room for free for the entire summer plus 30-40 hours of work/week! I'm ecstatic. This solves all my problems. I will be able to work lots of hours doing thing I like to do, make lots of money, be able to work my speedway job, be able to do 2 shows, and live on campus (for free!!!!) without having to be an RA. Terry told made my Valentine's Day a happy one! I really didn't want to be a summer RA. PLUS, I get to stay in my own room, so I won't have to move! Things couldn't be better!

This is why networking is SSOOO important!! I'm proud of me!

Oh. My. G.

Oh my G. I was just visiting David Lundholm's new website. He is someone I used to work with at Six Flags Great America and he has recently gone freelance. Anyway, I was on his site, and stumbled upon these videos.

The first is his compilations of Night-Time Parades that he created costumes for. The beginning of the video is the nighttime parade of my last year at Six Flags. In the video, I am playing Petunia Pig.

The second is of one of their Fright Fest shows, Dead Man's Party. I was not in this particular show but it was very very similar to a show I was in my last year at Six Flags, Welcome to My Nightmare, and has a lot of the same songs.

I'm not able to save the and upload the videos onto here without paying $30 but they are located at davidlundholm.com.

Watching these videos made my heart thump and ache! I NEED to be back there. I need to be back in my element! I miss it so badly. My two years at Six Flags were the best two summers of my life! I miss Illinois and I miss performing professionally. This gives me more driving motivation to lose the weight, graduate, and get back down to Chicago and live my life as a performer.

I had an "a-ha!" moment, as Oprah would put it, a couple weeks ago. It was before I got my financial aid check and was really struggling and scrapped for cash. Out of nowhere I thought to myself "I can do this. If being a performer means living paycheck-to-paycheck and having to budget meticulously just to pay my rent, I can do this. I would rather perform and struggle financially, than have the best, most prestigious corporate position in the world." That is how you know I am meant to be a performer.

Illness

I'm worried about my mental health lately. I always have issues around this time of year and with all the grieving lately its worse. I'm pretty sure it's official. I have SAD:

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a form of depression that occurs in relation to the seasons, most commonly beginning in winter.
The disorder may begin in adolescence or early adulthood. Like other forms of depression, it occurs more frequently in women than men. Most people with the winter "blahs" or "cabin fever" do not have SAD.
The cause of SAD is not known, but it is thought to be related to numerous factors, including ambient lighting, body temperature, and hormone regulation.

I always struggle with depression, but for some reason it is much worse at this time of year. Even my medicine isn't working as well as it usually does. I'm in pain again, something that hasn't happened since I started taking my medicine and I'm having trouble sleeping again from the anxious thoughts running while I'm trying to get to sleep.

So what should I do?
- Maybe my doctor can up my dosage
- I'm going to look into tanning
- Keep my diet under control
- Exercise
- Perhaps talk to my doctor about light therapy
- Start taking a vitamin
- Make sure I'm taking my medicine regularly and as prescribed
- Keep my anxiety level down
- Make sure I'm getting enough sleep
- I also need to get a massage, for the pain

Hopefully this will help.

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."

- Author Unknown

Ideas for work in Chicago:

- Serving
- Administrative Work
- Character Work
- Voice-over Work
- Singing at weddings/funerals
- Shows
- Six Flags
- Hershey Store
- Spirit Cruises
- Ed Debevic's
- Viagra Triangle
- Administrative Work at Music Businesses (Recording)
- Sales
- Management
- Attack! Marketing

*Sigh*

Aaahhhh....it feels so nice to be back to normal life. Classes started today. I only had one so far. International Management. The class seems like its going to seem hella boring, but I like the professor. She's really smart and a good speaker and seems really passionae about the subject so maybe hopefully she can make the class interesting. I have three classes tomorrow. Hopefully, they go well also. I also went back to work at my internship today. I missed my office. Now, if they can just get me on the payroll, that would be fabulous.

So what's on my mind today? For the past couple days work has been occupying my mind. I'm trying to scope out my options for the summer and decide on a mixture of jobs that will maximize my earning potential. One, because I always try to make as much money as possible over summer so I can last through the year, and two, because I need to start saving this summer for the Chicago adventure. Here are some of my options.

- Summer RA
- Summer Clerical
- Racetrack
- Flowers
- iPaceSetters

Now the trick is to create a mixture that will make me the most money and still allow me to do The Music Man. I have to do The Music Man. If it came down to either making $50,000 over the summer and not doing a show or doing the Music Man and making zip, I would have to say I would choose the show (a hint at maybe what I should do with my life? ha).

Here are the details:

Summer RA: Pays $1850 for the entire summer. Some good aspects of this would be that it would give me a place to live during summer break and it would allow me to work another 15 hours outside. Some bad things are that its not a lot of money and I don't know how much it would allow for me to attend rehearsals.

Summer Clerical: Pays $8.00-8.25 an hour. Some good aspects of this would be working during the day (allowing me to attend rehearsals), there is no limits for other jobs, ease and pay. The problem is it doesn't provide housing and it would be a commute from Janesville, taking out a chunk of that $8 for gas.

Racetrack: The track is a no-brainer. They will definitely hire me back and they are considering having me take over the ticket-booth. This would be nice because it would be easy and a lot more and more steady hours than last year. This is only on Saturday so I can do it with any of these options. Last year they paid me $7.50 an hour. However, that may go up, since it would be my second year and especially if I take over the ticket-booth.

Flowers: Hosting a Flower Stand is something I can always do. It doesn't pay that well anymore though so I'm thinking maybe one day a week if I have a free day. The perks of this are utilizing my sales skills to create more revenue, ease, getting tan, and a lot of time to read.

iPacesetters: C works here now and is making a shit-ton(that's a technical term) of money. His second week there he made $800. In on week!! I'm really good at sales and think I could do the same. This would be a great place to make a lot of money in a short amount of time, thus allowing me to save more. My only fear is they won't hire me just for the summer, and again it would be a commute from Janesville. However, gas won't be as much of a problem if I make half the money C is making now.

Another great thing to think about is that I can make as much money as I want to this summer because in about a month I will be filling out the FAFSA for the LAST time!!! Therefore, any earnings won't ruin my EFC. Which is why I want to do the best possible deal!

It always seems like I'm complaining because I have too many options. I know, terrible problem to have, right? Better than no options. I need to be thankful.

For now, I need to talk to ResLife to see what kind of time committments are required for the Summer RA position and look more into iPacesetters. I also need to have another talk with Terry about the clerical position and talk to Michelle about the position at the track.

I will start playing around with gameplans once I have more info.